CivilTalk’s Twelve Days of Christmas Civility
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Day 1: Active Listening During the holidays, which scenario best demonstrates active listening?
a) Putting down distractions, making eye contact, and asking follow-up questions about what someone shared
b) Nodding while checking your phone during a family story
c) Waiting for your turn to share your own similar experience
d) Listening only to respond with advice
Correct Answer is A: Active listening requires full presence and engagement. By eliminating distractions, maintaining eye contact, and asking thoughtful follow-up questions, you demonstrate that you genuinely value what the other person is saying and want to understand their message fully.
Think about a recent time when someone truly listened to you, or when you gave someone your full attention. How did it make you or them feel?
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Day 2: Empathy is the greatest gift we can share during the holiday season, reminding us to see, understand, and uplift one another. Empathy means:
a) Feeling sorry for someone's difficulties
b) Agreeing with everyone to keep the peace
c) Fixing other people's problems for them
d) Understanding and sharing the feelings of another person
Correct Answer is D: Empathy goes beyond sympathy (feeling sorry for someone) or problem-solving. It's about putting yourself in another person's shoes and genuinely connecting with their emotional experience, even when you haven't been through the same situation yourself.
Think about a moment when you connected with someone's emotions, even if their experience was different from yours. What helped you understand their perspective?
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Day 3: Healthy Conflict Management at holiday gatherings means:
a) Avoiding all disagreements
b) Leaving when tense
c) Winning every argument
d) Respectful problem-solving
Correct Answer is D: Effective conflict management doesn't mean avoiding conflict or dominating others. It means addressing disagreements directly and respectfully while working toward solutions that benefit everyone involved. This approach preserves relationships while resolving issues.
Think about a time when you or someone else handled a disagreement in a way that actually strengthened the relationship. What approach worked?
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Day 4: Self Control during stressful holiday moments means:
a) Avoiding all potentially stressful situations
b) Letting others know exactly how you feel in the moment
c) Suppressing all emotions until they explode later
d) Managing your impulses and reactions thoughtfully, even under pressure
Correct Answer is D: Self-control isn't about suppressing emotions or avoiding challenges. It's about managing your impulses and choosing your responses thoughtfully, even when under stress. This allows you to express yourself appropriately while maintaining relationships and making decisions aligned with your values.
Share an example of when you or someone else stayed calm and thoughtful in a challenging moment. What helped make that possible?
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Day 5: Self-Confidence - True self-confidence during social situations means
a) Comparing yourself favorably to others
b) Trusting in your abilities while remaining open to learning from others
c) Dominating conversations to show your knowledge
d) Never admitting mistakes or uncertainties
Correct Answer is B: Genuine self-confidence comes from a secure sense of your own worth and capabilities, without needing to prove superiority over others. It allows you to be open to feedback, admit what you don't know, and learn from others—all signs of true strength rather than insecurity.
When did you recently see someone demonstrate genuine self-confidence (not arrogance)? Or tell us about a time you felt confident while staying humble.
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Day 6: Compassion - On a day when there is so much hate in the news, please take a minute and show some compassion for someone around you. Which action best shows compassion during the holiday season and all year?
a) Helping only people that you know well
b) Responding to someone's difficulty with kindness and a genuine desire to help
c) Pointing out when someone's struggles are their own fault
d) Feeling bad for others but not taking action
Correct Answer is B: Compassion combines empathy with action. It's not just feeling for someone or understanding their pain—it's being moved to respond with kindness and a genuine desire to alleviate their suffering or support them through difficulty.
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Day 7: Self-Respect - Practicing self-respect during the busy holidays includes:
a) Refusing all help to prove your independence
b) Putting everyone else's needs above your own always
c) Valuing yourself enough to set healthy boundaries and honor your needs
d) Saying yes to every request to please others
Correct Answer is C: Self-respect is essential for civility and well-being. Self-respect means recognizing your own worth and treating yourself with the same care and consideration you'd show others. This includes setting appropriate boundaries, acknowledging your limits, and honoring your own needs—which actually enables you to show up more fully for others = compassion.
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Day 8 - Emotional Awareness is:
a) Recognizing and understanding your own emotions as they occur
b) Suppressing your feelings to appear strong
c) Only acknowledging positive emotions
d) Analyzing everyone else's emotional state
Correct Answer is A: Emotional awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It means being able to identify and understand your own feelings in the moment, which allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. This self-knowledge is essential before you can effectively manage emotions or understand others.
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Day 9 - Adaptability during unexpected holiday changes means -
a) Refusing to participate if plans change
b) Flexibly adjusting to new circumstances while maintaining a positive attitude
c) Insisting everything go exactly as planned
d) Complaining about changes but going along with them
Correct Answer is B: Adaptability is the ability to adjust effectively to changing circumstances without losing your sense of purpose or positivity. It means being flexible enough to embrace new situations while maintaining your emotional balance and finding opportunities even in unexpected changes.
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Day 10 - Teamwork: Teamwork Effective teamwork during holiday preparations involves:
a) Delegating all tasks to others
b) Competing to see who contributes the most
c) Collaborating, sharing responsibilities, and valuing each person's contribution
d) Doing everything yourself to ensure it's done right
Correct Answer is C: True teamwork recognizes that diverse contributions strengthen the whole. It requires cooperation, shared responsibility, and appreciation for what each person brings to the table. This creates better outcomes than any individual effort could achieve alone.
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Day 11 - Trustworthiness: Being trustworthy involves:
a) Acting with integrity, keeping commitments, and being reliable
b) Only keeping promises when it's convenient
c) Telling people what they want to hear
d) Being honest only when asked directly
Correct Answer is C: Trustworthiness is built through consistent integrity—aligning your actions with your words, following through on commitments, and being honest even when it's difficult. People know they can depend on you because your reliability isn't conditional on circumstances or convenience.
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Day 12 - Service Orientation - On this twelfth day of Christmas Civility, we share the importance of service orientation. Service orientation means proactively looking for ways to help others and genuinely caring about their well-being. It goes beyond transactional helpfulness—you anticipate needs, offer assistance without being asked, and find fulfillment in the act of service itself rather than in recognition or reciprocation.
a) Doing the minimum required to appear helpful
b) Helping others only when you'll receive recognition
c) Keeping track of favors to ensure reciprocity
d) Anticipating and meeting others' needs with genuine care and attentiveness
Correct Answer is D:
It is Christmas Eve, and I’m reminded of a moment from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. After all the boxes, bags, ribbons, and bows were taken away, the Grinch has a realization:
“Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more.”
That line has stayed with me over the years because it captures something we all know—but sometimes forget. The holidays remind us that what truly matters isn’t what we give or receive, but how we show up for one another.